We've all done some bizarre things in the past, some laughable, and others embarrasing and best forgotten. A laughable one came back and stared me in the face recently, and I can't believe I'd forgotten this.

Like every savvy internet user, I have a e-mail ID that I provide whenever some site asks for one. An ID where I receive all the myriad newsletters, announcements, and other random ignorable e-mails.

Anyway, the other day I logged into the bit-bucket account waiting for a "click here to activate your account" mail, and I came across a whole bunch of mails from a site called "SPN". Now I was curious. I don't recollect subscribing to any such list. I open one mail at random, and I kid you not; this is how it starts.

I suppose after the initial hype, everybody just relegated "Wolfram Alpha" to a cute toy, and not by any stretch a "replacement for google" as it was touted. Today, I had a chance to put Wolfram Alpha to good use. And it worked beautifully.

On the way to work today, the sun just seemed too bright. I barely open my eyes, even with my mildly tinted visor. It didn't seem as bright yesterday, but today was really harsh.

A very rare comic series. These were written originally in French, by Rene Goscinny (of Asterix fame) and pencilled by Morris. Of course, they were translated into a couple of dozen languages, which was how I got to read them in English.

Goscinny really shone here, and came up with some magnificent stuff. The plots are well thought out (mostly) and character build-up is done magnificently.

The basic theme is simple. Lucky Luke, a skinny wise-cracking cowboy is the fastest gun in the west.  With his faithful (and very intelligent) horse Jolly Jumper, he is the friendly neighbourhood do-rightly of the land.

Hello.

Just "Hello". Just plain vanilla, run-of-the-mill "Hello". I mean, can a greeting be more innocuous? It's not flighty, like a "Hola", nor is it frivolous, like a "Hey", nor is it excessively familiar, like a "Hi".  

A proper stiff-necked greeting if ever there was one.  And sadly enough, I was censured by my colleagues for using it as the opening line in an official e-mail to a customer.  

What is this world coming to? Ok, I know that there is something called propriety, etiquette, and a standard template for all this bureaucratic communication.  

A dog. Four-legged pet. Faithful. Obedient. Man's best friend.  Everybody likes dogs. Right?

WRONG !

I am no Jack London or James Herriot writing about noble beasts. I hate dogs. Dogs are loathsome, odoriferous, noisy, mercenary gluttons who might obey you so long as they are sure of a culinary benefit in the offing. Definitely one of God's more despicable creations.  

"Get away from her, you bitch !"
   -- Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley in "Aliens"

Pick a culture, pick a language. The equivalent of "Dog" is always also a curse word. The ancients who formulated our languages knew what vile creatures dogs were. They knew dogs are not meant to be pets.

Contrary to popular opinion, humour is no laughing matter. There has been plenty of research on the subject of what comprises humour. The psychology of humour has been puzzling scientists for aeons now.  

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?
A: A stick.

It's quite probable that the last one drew some reaction from you, either a grin or a groan. At what point did you realise that it was a joke ? What did you need to know that it was a joke ? And most importantly, what is amusing about it ?

Recently I listened to this song where the guy sang... o.k., well, he didn't actually sing as much as he read the lyrics, if it can be called "lyrics" at all. Here's how it went:

In the western world, friends are greeted in a distant, and somewhat cold fashion.

If you think about it for a second, the usual greeting is "how are you", "how do you do" or some variation thereof. And irrespective of the truth, the standard answer must be "fine" or some variation thereof. It would be quite unacceptable to answer with a "not good. I've got this crick in my back and a shooting pain along my right thigh blah blah". I mean, can you get more impersonal ?

"timeo Danaos et dona ferentis"
(I fear the greeks, even when they bring gifts.)
            - Virgil, "Aeneid" ii. 48

What would one term as an "ideal" gift ? And how does one find the appropriate gift for a given occasion ? Having done considerable research on the subject of gifts, I've realised that there are three approaches one can take in such situations; the traditional, the romantic, and the practical.

I got stung by a bee in a rather delicate place. Oh no, it's not what you think, not that delicate place. This is the other one... maybe it would be better if I told you the full story. It all started, harmlessly enough, with lunch.

It was a rather substantial lunch, involving about the same amount of food as the annual domestic product of Portugal. So after lunch, these guys want to wash it down with fruit juice.

Now this juice guy really loves his work... he puts a little bit of himself into every drink he makes. All too literally, and that, my friend is the problem. He FINGERS everything. The fruits, the ice, the water, the sugar, the glasses, you name it. All handled by him, physically, using his fingers.